Practical Ways to Express Love Using the 5 Love Languages
Do you struggle to prioritize investing time and energy into your relationships? With the demands of day-to-day life, it can be easy to neglect love as an area of your life that requires intention and attention. As Esther Perel, psychotherapist, says “The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships.” Take this blog post as your gentle reminder to prioritize love by implementing the tips below.
Love is much more than a feeling. Feelings can be fleeting, but true love lasts forever. Love is a verb, requiring action and effort to strengthen. Like nurturing a plant for growth, love requires time, patience, and sacrifice to flourish. To maximize the quality of your relationships, understanding the five different love languages can guide you on how to show love.
What are the love languages?
Gary Chapman, author of the “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts”, defined the different ways we express and experience love. The premise of The 5 Love Languages book is that different people give and receive love in five different ways. By gaining awareness of your preferred love language and of your loved ones, you can improve your relationships.
Whether you are trying to strengthen your relationship with your spouse or your child, the beauty of love languages is that they are universal. The five love languages include:
Words of Affirmation: Using words to affirm other people.
Acts of Service: Consisting of actions to show you care.
Receiving Gifts: Receiving a thoughtful gift makes some people feel most loved.
Quality Time: Prioritizing undivided attention with no distractions.
Physical Touch: Hugging and kissing.
Not sure which is your love language? Take the Love Languages quiz to understand your primary love language. A good hint is what you tend to complain about to your loved ones, like if you want more recognition and gratitude for what you do, you may be a Words of Affirmation person.
How can we express love using the love languages?
Now that you know the five love languages, it can be tricky to put it into action. That is why we gathered practical examples below as inspiration to spread love in your life.
Words of Affirmation
Say “please” and “thank you” when your loved ones do something for you.
Say “I Love You.”
Take time to write thoughtful birthday cards to express your love.
Withhold harsh words when arguing. Try to find alternative words to express frustration.
Compliment your loved ones.
Listen and ask questions about their day.
2. Acts of Service
Put gas or change the car oil of your loved one.
Complete a chore that your loved one usually does (dishes, garbage, groceries).
Plan a date - making a dinner reservation, getting a babysitter.
Re-fill a loved ones water bottle or filtered water jug.
Cook a meal for your loved one.
Babysit a friend’s newborn baby so she can nap.
3. Receiving Gifts
Buy a surprise gift of their favorite ice cream or candy bar when you do groceries.
Make a scrapbook, picture book, or customized mug as a birthday gift.
Take the time to be creative on how to wrap the gift, like wrapping a gift inside of a gift inside of a gift (big boxes to hold a small jewelry box for example) to build further anticipation and excitement.
Buy a monthly subscription like the Food Network Magazine or Magnolia Journal. It is the gift that keeps on giving - they will look forward to checking the mail every month.
Buy concert tickets or tickets to an event for your loved one that prefers experiences over tangible things.
4. Quality Time
Remove distractions when talking to your loved one (putting phones and devices in another room if possible).
Do something your loved one enjoys together (a sport or hobby).
Be present for important moments, like your son’s baseball games.
Find special moments to bond, like listening to music your loved one enjoys on a road trip.
Walk around the block together.
Eat meals together sitting at the dining table.
5. Physical Touch
Hold hands.
Give a “Good Morning” and “Good Night” kiss daily.
Hug your loved ones often.
Cuddle while watching TV.
Play contact sports together or games like Twister.
Give a foot or back rub after a long day.
Though most of us have a clear primary love language, many of us have a close secondary love language. In those cases, consider combining ideas from multiple bullets above. For example, if your loved one enjoys both quality time and receiving gifts, an outing to do shopping could be a great way to incorporate both.
In his book, Chapman advises us to check in on loved ones every so often regarding their love tank. From 1 to 10, you can ask “how full does your love tank feel?” Follow up by asking why and what you can do to enhance the relationship. Then, vice versa, you can share how full your tank is. This provides accountability and alignment to course correct when needed.
How others feel around you doesn't have to be a mystery. If we communicate about love regularly and practice showing others love, our relationships will likely become and remain strong.